Ellie (Carer for Andeau)

My name is Ellie, and in June of 2024, I lost my Mum to Metastatic Mucosal Melanoma after a short but strong 10-month battle. As an only child of divorced parents, my Mum was my entire world. Along with my Aunty, my Mum’s identical twin, we quickly went from daughter and sister to caregivers. It was the hardest 10 months of my life to watch my Mum in agony and thenface the unimaginable pain of losing her. I’m a mother to a beautiful 2-year-old (who shared the most precious relationship with his ‘Granma’) living in Melbourne, VIC. While I’ve returned to full-time work, I am dedicated to helping others fighting rare cancers and supporting research for better treatment options.

Mum found out she had melanoma after a suspected haemorrhoid wouldn’t heal in August 2023. Mum was referred by her GP to a specialist colorectal surgeon who knew straight away it wasn’t a haemorrhoid. Fearing the worst, our suspicions were confirmed shortly after surgery.

Mum’s treatment while short, was certainly a journey. Following Mums diagnosis, she endured two major surgeries to install a stoma bag, remove lymph nodes, and address an infection that complicated her post-treatment radiation. For a brief, hopeful six weeks, we believed Mum was cancer-free. However, a PET scan in the New Year revealed that the cancer had spread to her pelvis, hips, and lungs, prompting immediate immunotherapy. The first round of immunotherapy seemed promising, with minimal side effects, but the second round led to severe complications, including ileitis and bowel inflammation, forcing a halt to her treatment. Soon after, Mum was offered a clinical trial, but by May 1st, we learned that the cancer had metastasised to her brain. We were advised to focus on her quality of life. On June 23rd, Mum passed away peacefully at home, surrounded by family.

A lot was unknown, but we were confident Mum would overcome the battle. The thought of a world without her was unimaginable. Caring for her became a significant challenge. We had to quickly learn how to manage her stoma bag, while her energy and strength faded, leaving her unable to do the things she loved, especially being on the golf course. Despite being the most positive person, I know, her mental health suffered. I had to remain strong for her, as our roles reversed in a way I never expected. It was an emotional and difficult journey; one we weren’t prepared for.

I became involved with Melanoma Patients Australia following mums passing when I was searching for ways to become involved with supporting and advocating for those fighting melanoma and rare cancers.

Nothing in life is guaranteed. My purpose has shifted; I’ve changed as a mother, a friend, and a partner. Now, I live for Mum and for everything she couldn’t experience in her short 58 years. I hold my child even tighter (if that’s possible), I no longer hesitate to book the holiday or take time off work, and I cherish my closest friends who check in every day. I find deeper comfort in family than I ever did before. Life really is too short. More than melanoma, grief has affected every part of my life. There are still so many cancers we know little about. No one around us had heard of mucosal melanoma, and despite working in the skin field, I wasn’t aware of its rarity. There are countless rare cancers that need more awareness and advocacy because too many people are dealt an unfair hand.

I’m going to use mums. “It is what it is”

I’m with my son, the light of my life and my greatest achievement. I see Mum in his humour, laughter, and smile. I don’t know where I’d be after her passing if it weren’t for him.